In My Feelings
I know it has been a few weeks since I have caught up with y’all on here, but in my defense I am working 3 jobs.
Career Coach & Consultant
Cancer Awareness Advocate
Radiation goer
Yes, radiation has turned out to be a full time gig. I don’t get paid though, so really it is a volunteer job. Ok, I am not volunteering for this shit either. So basically it is like a prison job. Anyways, I am now on day 16/25 treatments, so I have about 2 weeks left. 2 weeks until I can officially ring the coveted bell that I only see on other’s Instagram accounts.
It is surreal to think in 2 short weeks I will be done with treatment. It almost feels like I will be starting another new life — one without cancer, I would hope. Last week I had a 7 hour car trip back to Cleveland to think about this. I was heading back home for the Thanksgiving holiday with a few friends and dog in tow. I really do have so much to be thankful for this year.
It all started with my radiation therapists. I see these peeps more than my friends these days. Every single day, the same crew of 4 see me half naked, tits out while they tape contraptions to my breasts and talk to me about Cyber Monday deals. They blast the same loop of offensive rap jams at a loud volume while they zap me with radiation for approximately 5 minutes. Rinse and repeat. They are so nice. They treat me like a human, and not a number. I decided to bake them a batch of pumpkin muffins to thank them for being amazing. I truly believe they don’t even realize what an impact they have on people.
Driving back to Cleveland I looked in the front seat as my friend and her boyfriend chatted about what route Waze was taking us back to Cleveland. They picked me up very early that morning and drove me to radiation. While I was inside they walked our dog and waited patiently for me. What great friends I have. All of them. Supporting me and being flexible with my routines, as they continue to change day to day.
As we pulled up into my driveway 7 hours later, it felt nice to be home and relaxed. The weekend home was very mellow. Cooking. Watching movies. Talking. I am thankful to my family for keeping things chill and creating a relaxed environment for me during my time of chaos. It felt so good to just be, without the pressures of having to be at radiation, or another doctor’s appointment. I could take my guard down, even if only for a weekend.
Today I saw my Radiation Oncologist for our weekly check in. These usually last no more than 10 minutes as it is really just to see how I am feeling and how my skin is doing during radiation. Typically at this stage of my radiation treatment, it is common for your skin to have a darker pigment, as well as peel and itch a bit — maybe even feel a bit tender. Both nurses marveled at how good my skin looked stating “whatever I am doing, keep doing that.” (#CBDoil) So I am thankful for my body. She’s working overtime these days, and doing so with minimal complaints while trying to keep shit normal.
It is easy to moan and groan during these difficult times, and believe me, I have done my fair share of that too. I am tired. Mentally and physically tired. That said, when I really took a moment to reflect, I realize there is so much to be grateful for that is easily overlooked. I am legit writing this to remember these items I am thankful for, so that next time I decide to complain I can refer back to this.
Key takeway- You can feel however you want to feel during your cancer experience or whatever you are going through. You are allowed to have shit days, and angry days, and then happy days. But do yourself a favor and remember the little things.
