Work, work, work, work, work, work

Spoiler alert -- > I am a very "everything happens for a reason" type of girl. That's why when cancer decided to rear its ugly head this year, I was actually relieved that I didn't have to worry about telling 5 million people at a corporate job that I needed time off for surgery, doctor's appointments, etc. Deciding to start my own business last year one of the best things I have ever done for many reasons. I get to design my life. I get to design what balance needs to be. That can be really difficult at times, because there is no start and stop time when you are an entrepreneur. 

When the cancer bomb dropped, I was actually still freelancing with my old job and running my business. I immediately decided that it was time to let go of the safety net that I had been hanging on to for the past 7 months. It was time to cut the cord, and so I did. 

I was toying around with the idea of it for awhile, and nothing like a life threatening illness to kick things into perspective. I dropped my laptop and iPhone off  they day before surgery and haven't looked back since. 

It has made a world of difference working for myself while managing cancer. Steve asked me after one of our copious doctor's appointments if I was more or less stressed managing my business and having to deal with this. He was surprised to hear that I have been so thankful that all of this happened when I left my job. For once, I was calling the shots. I know myself, and if I had been working for Burberry and trying to manage all of the work and expectations, I truly don't believe I would be recovering both physically and psychologically as well as I (think) that I am. 

If I am having a rough day, and feeling tired or sad I can arrange my day as such. On the other hand if I am feeling like Elle Woods when she decides she is going to conquer law school, then I can pack up my day as much as I want. The key word here is "I." 

I am also finding that the quality of my work and how I spend my days is definitely improving. I didn't realize that I have been walking around with an old pair of glasses that were blurry and smudged. Cancer gave me a new set of eyes. I feel like my body was really telling me enough is enough and allowing me to really prioritize myself in ways that I never thought I needed to. I am constantly checking in with myself. If I feel frustrated, maybe I need to stop what I am doing and focus on something I enjoy. If I am sleepy, then I rest my eyes. 

I am not going to sit here and pretend I am glad I got cancer. I'm not. It sucks. For every great day, there is an anxious and irritable day also. I am, however, glad that it is at least teaching me some things about myself and what's important to me. For that, I ain't mad at ya, cancer -- I am pretty annoyed, but I am not going to let you control me.